I wonder if she misses me
I wonder if she knows
The sacrifice that I made
When I decided to let her go

My heart breaks every time I wake
My face is chapped with tears
I miss her tiny little face 
And her floppy little ear

I hope that she will forgive
My disdain for the disease
The SMA that took her life
That I feel imprisoned me

The freedom that I have now
Has me jumbled up inside
I feel guilty when I leave the house 
But I hate to stay inside

I’m searching for the meaning
In this tragic little tale
159 days of heaven 
and the rest of my life in hell?

I promised that I’d honor her with every breaking dawn 
But I have chosen to live in Ohio . . where there is never any sun 

I look for her throughout the day 
In the shadows, in the light, in the reflections and in the night 
Inside my eyelids, in my head, I look for her in our bed. 
I look for her peripherally; I look for her and wish to see 

A glimmer of hope, a doey eye, a tiny toe a meaty thigh
I look for her

the big one

The big one as we call her

Is bright and blonde and fun 
She suffered though my pregnancy from the time she was nine months on 
She was with me for the birth and 
With us every day 
Now that Katie’s gone 
How will we spend our days? 

dark and dreary, dank and drab 
days like today make me sad

Two weeks ago today it was that we woke up in our bed 
We snuggled and kissed and played and sang 
Just as we always had 
We bathed together one last time 
and put your onesie on 
Who would have thought that that would be 
Your last full day at home 

While I mourn the loss of yesterday 
I mourn the life that passed 
Tomorrow sits in my living room 
Making a GIANT mess 

katies only mark in this world .. her impression

On a mission my husband, big and strong
To spread the word and right the wrong
Worry I do about his health
Through it all he deprives himself

four weeks now and my minds still a mess 
fear and quilt and anger and stress 
mind over matter - i know what to do 
it's just not that easy when grieving part of you